Leddi': The Songfic Collection
by emergency-heart
Summary: This is what I hope will become a collection of Luc and Eddi based oneshots inspired by music and written by various authors and Leddi fans from here, twitter and tumblr. PM me if you have a Leddi song-fic you want to contribute. Hope this works- enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: '45' The Gaslight Anthem

**'Leddi': The Songfics Collection**

**Hey guys, this is what will hopefully become the first ever 'collection' of Leddi Songfics from a variety of Leddi fans and writers myself included. ANYONE can contribute, as long as they are songfics, just PM me and I will send you the details. I just think this will be an awesome way to show our collective love of Leddi, especially in Luc's absence. Plus this way we get loads of different music tastes, perspectives and writing styles, plus more regular updates as more people are writing. What I was planning to do was get people to send me their pieces via tumblr/docX/email or whatever and then add it in as a chapter. You will all get FULL CREDIT I promise on my life! I don't steal work!**

**If you've never written before but want to, don't panic, I am a Beta reader, so I'm more than willing to help with grammar, spelling and editing – I'm not perfect but I do try!**

**DISCLAIMERS: 1. None of us own Holby- If we did Eddi and Luc would be married by now. 2. All songs and lyrics used are the property of the respective artists, which will be stated clearly at the start of each piece. 3. The fics themselves are used with the permission of their respective authors whose pennames also will be stated at the start of each piece.**

**Right then, I'll start with one of mine as an example, let's see if this works! **

**Song title:** "45"  
**Artist:** The Gaslight Anthem**  
Author: **therealmisshappy

"Another," Echoed the unusually slurred tones of Luc Hemingway as he tossed his empty glass of whiskey in the vague direction of a rather worried looking bartender.

"Don't you think you've had enough sir?" the bartender replied sympathetically in his smooth American accent.

"Another." Luc insisted drunkenly thumping his fist on the bar. Originally, he had been beginning to see why people enjoyed a drink but now he was really seeing why he chose not to.

It had been exactly a year since he'd left her and six months since he'd arrived in New York. A whole year since he'd left the woman he loved behind in England. 365 days of missing her, 365 days of regret, 365 days of sheer and utter loneliness each tiresome day as bad as the last. 365 torturous days later and Luc Hemingway was slumped stinking drunk for the first time in his life, in a dark and dingy bar in the centre of New York. His heart was bleeding, yearning with love for the beautiful nurse he'd tried to leave behind.

A kindly colleague, whose name he'd neglected to remember in his drunken haze, had noticed his 'more melancholy than usual' expression and had taken it upon himself to cheer him up by bringing him here. He made to order Luc's usual lemonade for him but found that Luc had already beaten him to it and was already ordering something much stronger for himself. Perhaps this would be what he needed to forget her, nothing else had worked so far and he was beginning to get desperate.

"This isn't working." He announced suddenly, a few drinks later having, realised he felt no better than he did before.

"What isn't?" replied his confused companion.

"It's been a whole bloody year." Luc rambled, the alcohol having lowered his inhibitions a little, a whole year since I left England, left her."

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter." He answered, catching himself before he revealed all. He may have had a drink, but that didn't mean he had to disclose his the entire story of his sorry lovesick existence.

"Want my advice buddy?" his colleague asked. "Turn the record over. Forget her, let her go. Let somebody else lie at her feet."

But he couldn't, that was how he'd ended up in this mess in the first place, she'd given him everything he needed- or rather she would have done if he hadn't gone and fucked it up. Even if he could go back and see her pretty elfin face again, she'd never take him back, not after his cowardly exit- who would? After he left Holby and he'd finally dared to switch his phone on, he found she'd left him three voicemails. The first one was fine, just; she was using her calm, professional 'work' voice, asking him where he was and to call her, she was clearly wasted by the time she'd left the second, furious and heartbroken, she'd called him every name and expletive under the sun. However it was the third message that haunted him every waking hour, this time she wasn't screaming and swearing instead she was just quiet, "Why Luc? Why? What did I do?" was all it said. In that moment he'd wanted nothing more than to dial her number and explain, but try as he might, he just couldn't bring himself to press the call button. Instead he had hurled his phone at the wall and watched as it shattered in to tiny pieces, feeling a strange feeling of affinity with each smashed and broken piece. As much as he hated it the deed was done what could he say? He'd hurt her enough. He accepted the job offer in New York to escape her and yet here he was one year on still dancing with her ghost even though she was thousands of miles away. He couldn't move on and yet he couldn't stay the same either.

The amber liquid burned at the back of his throat as he drained yet another glass and cast it aside. His drinking companion had made his excuses and left hours ago now, thinking Luc had done the same. He hadn't of course; nope he was still in the bar deep in drunken thought.

"One more?" He managed to slur, gesturing wildly for another glass.

"Sorry bud." The barman shook his head "its closing time. I called last orders already but you didn't hear me. Besides don't you have a home to go to?"

As far as Luc was concerned he did not. She had become home to him and since he could not go back he now considered himself 'homeless' and declared himself so to the inquiring barman, sliding off his barstool and staggering somewhat in the process.

"Bullshit, you're the doctor from the E.R across the street." was his reply, "Of course you have home. Now come on let's get you a cab, we'll settle the bill tomorrow."

But Luc wasn't really listening; frankly he was too wrapped up in his thoughts of Eddi to even care.

"Look at what she's done to me!" He declared to nobody in particular as the barman helped him out on to the street. "Look at what I've done to me. Look at my hands, just look at them shake. I hate this. It's all my fault." He rambled, examining himself with mild self-disgust.

"I doubt it amigo, but that's women for you. Why don't you give her a call in the morning? I'm sure you'll work it out." The barman said offering the generic response he gave to his most lovesick of patrons as he ushered him into the waiting taxi.

"Yes! That's it! I'll call her," Luc cried in an apparent epiphany, he had nothing else left to lose after all, so why not?

After causing much confusion by trying to give the poor taxi driver the postcode for Holby General and attempting to describe the location where his caravan had stood, he finally made it back to his rented apartment and staggered upstairs. His mind was only focused on one thing: her. He didn't care if she hung up on him, he just wanted, no- needed to hear her beautiful voice. With surprising dexterity considering the level of his intoxication, he located his new phone and found her number within it. He entered the code for England and with trembling fingers he hit dial.

She answered after two rings.

"Hello?" Her broad Yorkshire accent was music to his ears. It was her! It was his beautiful Eddi.

"I've made a huge mistake," Was all he could say. "I need you."

**Did you like? Do you want in? PM me or leave me/us a review, I'd love to know everyone's thoughts.**


	2. Chapter 2 'Need You Now' Lady Antebellum

Thanks for the overwhelming response guys! I literally cannot wait to read what you guys send me. This one comes from "el-the-superstar-in-scrubs" - she has also posted this to her tumblr so if you follow her on there (which I recommend you do if you don't already) you may have seen this already.

Song Title: Need you now

Artist: Lady Antebellum

Author: el-the-superstar-in-scrubs

Luc was sitting in his caravan, staring at a book. If you didn't know him, it might have looked like he was reading, but anyone who did know him would know he was staring off into space, think about something different entirely. In fact, he was thinking about how for the first time in his life, he didn't like being alone, he needed her - Eddi. Despite how much he wanted to, he felt it was wrong to call her 'His Eddi' because, after all, he left her. It was horrible to think that if he had not done that, he would be free to call her 'His Eddi', and she really would be his. And he would be hers.

Eddi stumbled into her apartment, laughing but not happily - cruelly. She was laughing at the cruelty of Luc's actions, not that she could really think about Luc – in fact she couldn't think about anything at that moment, the alcohol that was flooding through her veins had helped with that one. Her grip released on the glass bottle in her hand and she heard it shatter on the floor. Sitting down on the sofa, she finally let the tears flow. They hadn't come for two months, but now they came out thick and fast. She checked the watch on her scrubs that she was wearing underneath her jacket - 1:15 am. _'Nice one Eddi,'_ she thought to herself. As her thoughts gradually settled on him, she wondered if he thought about her too. She often hoped he did, but why would he? He had chosen to leave, he didn't want to be with her- by now he was probably sat in his caravan in the deep depths of the Welsh countryside without even a second thought to waste on her.

He had told himself he wouldn't call her, but frankly, he had lost control of his mind - if he had had even the slightest amount of control then he wouldn't think about her.

"Luc?" She answered with a slurred voice.

"You're drunk." He stated, not meaning to.

"Luc, if you're going to patronise me about -"

"I wasn't, sorry. I was - Well… I was just calling to see if you were alright?"

"I'm fine." The reply was cold.

"Good. Good… I wanted to ask you… Mr Hanssen- would he let me back come back? Do you reckon it's too late for me to take that permanent contract?"

"Luc, what the hell are you on about?" She demanded, why the hell was he asking this now?

"I need you Eddi, more than anything else in the world. I'm coming back; I'll see you on Tuesday."

Eddi tried to protest, but as the line went dead, she couldn't help but bite her lip and grin in spite of herself.

Luc -

I think it was Sacha who told me about Max, the new locum who'd taken my place. He called me up and informed me that he was really growing on Eddi but that he didn't like him at all - 'a bit of a grass,' I think that's what he said. I thanked him for the information, but even though I was worried about Eddi and this guy, I had no right to come in and protect her after all I did to her. Then he told me about his wedding to Chrissie and asked me to be his best man, it seemed like it could be the perfect opportunity to see her and explain myself.

When we finally meet, I am surprised how quickly she forgives me, but I don't care. She's back in my arms, in the place she should be. Eddi tries to get me to dance to some of the modern music blasting around the gazebo, but I flatly refuse, so we talk to Sacha and Chrissie for a bit and then she introduces me to Max. I agree with Sacha - he's definitely a bit arrogant, I hope he'll move onto a new hospital as soon as possible.

A slow song begins to fade in - it's 'Yellow' by Coldplay, and Eddi drags me onto the dance floor, telling me I can't escape a slow song. She wraps her arms around my neck and I place on of my hands on her waist and one on her shoulder. As lovely as it is, neither of us can take the silence for very long, and soon enough I ask, "So, you like this Max guy?"

"I did." I note her use of the past tense with a degree of hopefulness, "He seemed really… cool. But… not anymore, he's a bit; well you know… unpredictable- I can't trust him like I can you and besides - you're the one I want." She confesses planting a quick kiss on my lips.

"Right, but you didn't like him like… _that_ did you?" I'm not sure I want to know the answer to this but I can't seem to help myself.

She sighs and looks away, relaxing her grip a little, "I need to tell you something. One day… he- he took me to the on call room and, well, you can guess the rest."

My face drops along with my spirits, but then I remember that she chose me over him, "I love you, Eddi. You know that, right?"

She looks into my eyes and nods, "Why else would you come back?"

"No other reason; just you. Well, you and your hair." I laugh, combing my fingers through her soft, short hair.

She grins slyly and says, "So, it's my hair you love, then?"

"No." I whisper, my face only centimetres from hers.

"Good!" She giggles. I don't either of us mean for it to happen, but soon I find my lips pressing against hers, "I missed you."

I laugh and spin her around quickly, not caring who is watching, "Let's get out of here!"

"I think we should wait for - oh, well. Let's say goodbye to Sacha and Chrissie first." She pulls me over to the bride and groom and we all do our hugs and goodbyes.

We step out into the cold night air, and when she shivers, I take off my jacket and put it over her bare shoulders. I see her eyes light up at the sight of my caravan.

"After all you've put me through, you're going to make me sleep on that uncomfortable bed?" She asks.

"Only if you can't wait to get to your place, then you don't really have an option. Besides I'm pretty sure I can find you everything you need." I tease her.

She tries to mask a grin and finds my hand, pulling me into the caravan, "You're the only thing I _need_; the other things are just bonuses." She whispers against my lips.

Later on, I find myself in my bed, with my arms wrapped around a sleeping Eddi. I find that I don't really have words to explain what she looks like when she's sleeping; the only word that seems to even come close is beautiful.

**Liked what El wrote? (-can I call you that?) Tell her! Leave a review.**

**Want me to add your song fic? – contact me either: PM me on here, message me on tumblr (emergency-heart) You can also reach me on twitter ( hernameishappy) but please don't post your stories on there. Alternatively leave me a review- but make sure I can PM you back or something!**

**Ciaou.**

**Kat xx**


	3. Chapter 3: 'Nature's Law' Embrace

**So here's number three, a short and bittersweet one from Lauraz- whose earlier fan fictions were some of the first I ever read and inspired me to have a go myself. I Hope you enjoy this as much as I did, please do leave us a review and say what you think.**

**Song title:** Nature's Law  
**Artist:** Embrace**  
Author: **Lauraz

Eddi suddenly stops her feet are unable to move, she feels her breath catch in her throat. There he is; sitting on the steps of his camper van in the middle of the car park. His head is bowed; he looks such a lonely figure. Eddi slowly walks over to him she doesn't know what else to do. Luc looks up as he hears footsteps approaching. Neither can speak immediately - which is just as well for Eddi. Otherwise she knows she'd be likely to open her mouth and say something she would only regret later. Instead they can only stare at one another, time stands still. Eddi feels like crying but can't. It's scaring her, because she hates feeling so vulnerable she has no control over it. Luc stands up so they are now on the same eye level. He looks at her, his dark eyes filled with rueful regret.

"I'm sorry Eddi," he reaches out to touch her, but Eddi pulls away her natural instinct kicking in. Even though deep down she wants to relent to forgive him maybe?

"Why Luc? You made me think we actually had something and then you leave me with absolutely nothing!" Luc looks slightly ashamed and lost.

"I don't know I'm just not used to feeling like this and I'm used to being on my own. Then Hanssen offered me the job, and I knew my life would have to change."

"What and you can't deal with that? Being with me?" Eddi looked resigned to defeat, the usual fire in her eyes was no longer there.

"I'm tired of this Luc, I'm so sick of all this, we're pulling in opposite directions - what do you want from me?" Luc lifted her chin gently with his fingers and gazed into her eyes. "I love you McKee, you know that don't you? Eddi feels apprehensive, she wanted him to say that for months and now he's finally gone and done it. But what if he disappears again? The fear in Eddi bubbles slowly in her stomach like a volcano that's about to erupt.

"Don't say that Luc, because you don't mean it." Eddi said putting up one last feeble piece of resistance.

"I do, and I know you feel the same way."

"Because if you even think of leaving again I swear I'll-"

But Eddi doesn't get to finish her sentence as Luc pulls her close and kisses her passionately on the lips. Eddi feels tense at first, but soon realises there's no point because she can't stop loving him now. The sun sets behind them on a balmy evening, there's a gentle breeze blowing. Why can't life always be like this? Eddi thinks to herself contentedly. It has taken forever to get to this point and Eddi doesn't want to let go. She wants to be with Luc, she knows that for sure.

"So am I forgiven?" Luc asks, he's smiling now so with a mischievous grin, Eddi replies, "I suppose you have left me with no other option Mr Hemingway."

"Good, correct answer," he retorts rather cheekily. They embrace once more knowing you can't resist nature's law.

Eddi wakes up and for a split second she feels complete and happy, and then she realises was just a mirage, the cruellest of dreams and a painful reminder of a stark reality. She turns over and lets her tears seep into her pillow, she needs to cry and let it out.

**I'm still taking Songfics, so if you want to have a go please get in contact. Also please don't forget to R+R! **


	4. Chapter 4: 'If I had My Way' M Bailey

**Hey :) Things are a little quiet on the songfic front at the moment so I figured I'd add another one of my own that I've been sitting on for a while. You may not have heard of Madilyn Bailey before, I found her on youtube and this song is from her first EP of original songs so if you like music like Taylor Swift I suggest you go and check her out and maybe go and buy it. :) **

**Song Title: ** If I Had My Way

**Artist: **Madilyn Bailey

**Author: **therealmisshappy

Eddi yawned and poured herself another glass of wine, she was bored was bored. Slightly drunk and extremely bored, there was nothing on the TV, nobody to go out with and for once no evening shifts to be covered. Eddi hated being bored; it meant she was left with time to contemplate things, things like today for example.

The last few weeks had been sheer hell. Her involvement in the Richie Mooney case and the incident with the drugs cabinet had thrown her into constant fear for her beloved job. Then there was this 'thing' she had going on with Max the new registrar, she'd seen a change in him of late and she wasn't sure she liked what she saw. At first he had seemed like a breath of fresh air, blowing new life into the stiflingly close knit ranks of AAU. He was sociable, an ally against Sister Williams when necessary and best of all; he respected Eddi's professional opinion as a Nurse. She'd been out for drinks with him once or twice and one thing had left to another but was nothing really there. He was good company and even better in bed, but it was purely physical. There was no spark like there had been with Luc.

She wanted desperately to move on, she was sick of wasting her time thinking about him but she couldn't quite manage it. She kept kidding herself that she and Max had something special but in light of recent events, that lie was becoming harder and harder to believe. Annoyingly, her heart was still depressingly Luc's. She found herself comparing every man she encountered to him in some way and she was beginning to tire of it. She hated to admit it but there was something she loved about the way he had touched her that made her feel like she had a purpose, she felt wanted and needed. Even now Eddi had a hard time believing somebody as socially inept as Luc could fake something like that. If Eddi had had her way, he would've come back and whisked her away from all the chaos that seemed to reign her life at the moment. No in fact she'd just wanted him to have stayed in the first place. The fact of the matter was however, that he was gone and as far as Eddi could see he wasn't coming back

"Oh, for god's sake!" Eddi grumbled, finishing her glass and getting to her feet. She hated this, it was time to stop wallowing and have some fun. It didn't matter that she was alone; she could party by herself if necessary. She was the strong, independent Eddi McKee, the best nurse in Holby General she did need Luc, or any man for that matter, to have a good time. _'Every good party needs good music,'_ she thought methodologically. Stumbling slightly as went, Eddi went off in search of her iPod. After several minutes of rummaging she located the beloved blue object in the bottom of her satchel and popped it into her docking station. Eddi flicked her way through her endless music library trying to find the perfect song to suit her mood. Everything The Clash and The Kinks to Pink and Paramore offered themselves for her listening pleasure but none of them seemed to fit the bill tonight. Eventually she gave up and set the device to 'shuffle' perhaps her iPod would find something for her.

The next hour or so saw Eddi drawing her curtains, downing another glass of wine as if it were water and singing contentedly along to her music. She was quite enjoying herself; who needed anyone else to have a good time? There was no-one here to stop her from singing (or rather wailing as her brother had kindly described it) and no one to judge her for her random and at times questionable taste in music, it was brilliant. She was sipping her latest drink and taking a break from her singing when the song changed abruptly.

_"I can't make you take you back your goodbye, _

_The rear-view mirror never lies"_

Sung the Wisconsin accented tones of a girl about 10 years Eddi's junior. In the back of her mind Eddi remembered how Chantelle had once shown her a YouTube video of the young singer, aged about 15 at the time, as she sang covers of popular songs in on her guitar her own bedroom. Initially she had dismissed it as 'too bubble-gum poppy' and 'not cool enough' but now Eddi marvelled at the girl's talent beyond her tender years, especially at the wisdom of her original lyrics. She was surprised at how this girl's lyrics seemed to match her emotions. Without even thinking Eddi was up on her feet and singing whole heartedly along using the empty wine bottle as a microphone.

_"If I had my way, you'd stay,_

_I'd never let you leave,_

_I'd find the line, the rhyme,_

_All the perfect words to say, _

_I wouldn't have to tell myself you're the one, you're the one, oh the one that got away_

She may have looked like a tragic young Bridget Jones-esque spinster before her time, dancing around the flat in her pyjamas, but right now Eddi really didn't care. It was as though the song had been written about her and Luc; it seemed to say everything she'd wanted to say, if only he'd given her the chance.

_'Cause if I had my way you know _

_I'd never let you let me go  
I wish a kiss was all it took for me to show that you and me aren't even close to done  
I'm the one I'm the one"_

Eddi sung as loudly as she could, not caring who heard her. The song had an almost cathartic effect on her, in her mind each line she belted out was directly aimed at Luc and it felt great. This was the first time she'd ever felt truly happy in her own company since he'd left. There was some kind of fun in being silly like this and a strange relief in knowing that she wasn't the only one who'd been left feeling this way. It might have been a lost cause but Eddi knew that there was no way she could deny it now.

_"There is no heart here left to break, _

_You didn't have to steal it 'cause it was always yours to take." _

However much she hated the fact, Luc Hemingway still held a piece of her heart and there was no way he was going to hand it back any time soon. She realised she didn't want Max anymore, she just wanted Luc back. She'd never known what it was that made him leave and so with nothing else she was left with only herself to blame. Eddi lurched somewhat drunkenly into a final air-guitar solo and continued to sing with a fiery passion that came straight from the hurt in her heart. In her mind she was performing on a stage where Luc was stood before her at the front, among numerous like-minded fans listening intently to everything she had to say or sing for that matter, finally understanding everything.

The song drew to a bittersweet end and Eddi raised her arms and bowed dramatically, casting the bottle-microphone aside in the process. Dizzy with alcohol, she took a few moments to recover before drawing herself back up to her full height expecting her imaginary audience to have faded away along with the song. One audience member had not faded however; no matter how many times she blinked Luc Hemingway was still stood before her, wearing a very bemused expression on his face.

Mortified and sobering up rapidly, Eddi gulped and flushed a deep shade of beetroot, still unable to speak.

"You really ought to learn to lock your front door at night Nurse McKee. You never know who might wander in."

**Sorry about the ending guys, I wasn't quite sure how I ought to finish this one- I hope you like it :D**

**If you want to add your song fic, PM me on here or drop me a message on tumblr (If you go on my bio it will give you a link)  
**

**Kat xx  
**


	5. Chapter 5: 'New York' Snow Patrol

**Hey guys, me again! Bringing you a lovely one from Emmel.1118, Enjoy…**

**Song Title:** New York  
**Artist:** Snow Patrol  
**By**: Emmel.1118

Eddi McKee dragged herself out of bed. It was just over four weeks now since Luc's departure. She had tried in vain to forget him. She heard the post fall through the letter box as she made her way down the stairs. She leant down and grabbed the bundle of letters and quickly flicked through them. Her hand froze as she got to the last one. The writing on the envelope was almost certainly his. She dropped the other letters – bills among other, less important things – and tore the envelope open. She slipped out the piece of paper and saw the name scrawled at the bottom – Luc Hemmingway. She scanned the text and her heart dropped to somewhere below her knees.

It told her to forget him, to move on. She felt torn between laughing and crying at the contents of the letter – his letter.

She looked at the envelope and noticed that the postmark was from America, from New York, so that's how far he'd gone to get away from her. As a child Eddi had always dreamt of falling in love, but this was definitely not how she'd imagined it, the love of her life being on the other side of the globe. She missed it all, from the love that he'd shown her and the buzz of electricity she got whenever she had held him or had been held by him. The fact that he wasn't here anymore nearly broke her in two. All of the words he'd ever said to her where in constant loop in her head, they had never left her.

She closed her eyes as tears threatened to make an appearance. "Come on, Luc, why aren't you here? Come out from where you hiding and stop being a coward and come here; come back to me." She whispered under her breath, still clutching the letter in one hand. She thought back to one night, when she'd been tucked up safely, in his arms. He had made a promise to her that night that he'd never leave her, and he'd been lying through his teeth. There was one thing Eddi did know, and that was there was nowhere she belonged more in the world than in his embrace, his arms.

It made her heart ache that there was a whole ocean between them now, but maybe that was how he meant it to be? She missed everything about him, and there was no way of stopping the hurt it was causing her. The one thing that would heal her was gone, and - it seemed - never coming back. She wanted him to tell her that there was an end to the chaos her life had become, because it was slowly sending her mad.

Her nights were filled with her hopes and her fears, and it was nearly breaking her. She couldn't take another night with a dream where he came back and she forgave him and they all lived happily ever after. Or even worse, one where he never came back and she spent the rest of her days loving a man who was incapable of loving her back. The fire in her belly that was forever alight was starting to go out, she was starting to fade, she was starting to break, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She needed Luc to be able to be happy and to be able to spark back into life.

After another painful, damaging two weeks without Luc, another letter tumbled through the door. Eddi picked it up and took a deep breath in and opened it up. It read:

_My Darling Eddi  
I would apologise for my actions but we both know there aren't enough words in the word. I will say sorry and we'll both know that it isn't enough. I would ask you to forgive me but if I where you I wouldn't forgive me. I know one thing, Eddi and that won't ever change; I'm in love with you. I love you._

_It feels so surreal to be writing this to knowing that we'll never get our happy ending. I think that hurts more than anything, the fact that fate has dealt us this cruel hand in life. I came here to New York, to save you from hurt. I know now that that must sound silly, but if I had stayed you would be in so much more pain. By the time you are reading this I will be gone. I am so sorry I couldn't tell you these things to your sweet face but if this saves you from hurt then it is worth it. You would have told me you didn't care and that we could make the most of what little time we had left or you could have rejected me. I don't know which would have hurt me and you more. I wish I wasn't such a coward._

_I had cancer, untreatable, so no one in the world could have saved me. That's why I left; I didn't want you to see me fade away when you cared so much for me. And I cared so much for you. Please don't hurt too much. Please. I will never forget you.  
All my love,_

_Luc_

A single tear fell on the paper.

…**And once again, my heart breaks for Eddi (it seems to be doing that a lot lately!) So yeah, leave us a review and tell us what you think. PM me if you have something to add- I'd love to add it.**

**Also I have a little list of songs that may or may not inspire some Leddi fics- I certainly won't be able to write something for them all so if you need a bit of a prompt or something, feel free to ask. **

**Kat xx**


	6. Chapter 6 This isn't Everything You Are

**Hey guys, this one comes from ****charliespike18. I like the change in perspective here **

**Song Title:** This Isn't Everything You Are  
**Artist:** Snow Patrol  
**By:** charliespike18

Eddi had been acting odd lately, ever since the new locum, Max had arrived. She wasn't just in denial about how she felt about Luc, this Max; he had changed her in ways I found hard to comprehend. It was like she'd forgotten Luc completely; she wasn't doing things to such a high standard, little thing like that. I entered the staffroom and saw something I wasn't expecting.

Eddi was slumped over the desk and was snoring lightly. "What was that for?" She asked sleepily when I shook her awake.  
"Is he really worth all this?" I enquired. She stared at me like I was mad, and then heavily sighed. Looking away from me "Who?" she asked  
I nearly laughed in disbelief, I didn't need to say, she knew deep down who I meant. Unexpectedly she stood up and walked to the other side of the room and started to make some much needed coffee.  
"Is he Eddi? Because if he isn't, why are you doing this to yourself? Do you Love Him or…"  
"No, no." She interrupted me.  
"Because trust me Eddi, I don't think he cares about you, not in the slightest. I hate to be the one to say this but he just thinks you're an easy catch." I continued as she passed me one of the coffee cups she'd been making.

"I wish I'd never met him," She whispered. Now that wasn't the response I'd been expecting.  
"When was the last time you slept, before you fell asleep on the staffroom table?" I was starting to really worry now. Eddi took a long sip of her coffee and stared past me. "The day before yesterday," She stated calmly.  
"How much did you drink last night? Was Max there?" I asked.  
"Too much, and yes he was. I got your message this morning, too" She admitted, "You were really worried weren't you? I didn't hear the phone go, I'm sorry"  
"Yes, you didn't turn up for work, something really bad could of happened for all I know Eddi."

Four hours later and my shift was finally over. I entered the locker room, and was suddenly aware that I could hear someone crying; overwhelmed with concern I raced around the corner where I saw Eddi. She was hunched up in the corner behind some coat hooks. I went over to her and slumped down next to her.

"I only took a moment, but it all just imploded in my face," She said quietly.

"You're not like this Eddi, you're not like him, just breathe." I said putting my arm around her.

"I'm scared Sash. I feel like I'm about to fall over I'm so tired. I told myself I'd give up drink but more often than not I find myself drinking my sorrows away with Max and a bottle of vodka." Eddi sobbed in to my chest. "I miss Luc," She admitted. "I didn't even know he had gone, he just slipped away right before my very eyes, I just wish he'd at least said goodbye."

She tried to stand but barely had the energy. So I got up and offered her a hand. "I can do it myself Sash," She said defiantly. I sighed. "Just take the hand that's offered, and hold on tight. I can help you Eddi, we can get out of this together."

Ten minutes later we were sitting in the staffroom nursing two more hot cups of coffee. "This isn't everything you are, you can do so much better." I told her honestly. Without warning Eddi's phone suddenly went off. Quickly, she put her coffee down and retrieved it from her pocket. Eddi stared down at the phone and a smile spread across her face, swiftly to be replaced by a scowl. She lifted it up to her ear. "Hello Luc," She practically spat.

I could hear his reply from where I was sitting. "I'm so sorry."

**You know the drill by now, leave a review if you liked what you read, PM me if you've got a fic you want me to add!**

**Kat xx**


	7. Chapter 7: 'The Great Escape' P nk

**Hi all, here's a nice one from sdbubbles, ps. Rumour has it she's just updated her other fic "The Ghost of You" - it's worth a read :)  
**

**Song Title:** The Great Escape  
**Artist:** P!nk  
**By:** sdbubbles

_I can understand how__  
__When the edges are rough__  
__And they cut you__  
__Like the tiny slivers of glass__  
__And you feel too much__  
__And you don't know how__  
__Long you're gonna last_

This was out of hand now. Max was gone and Luc was back, but Eddi was definitely not back to her usual self. She was undeniably addicted to the painkillers Max had introduced to her and all Luc could do was sit and watch the damage he had helped inflict on her. He couldn't avoid the fact that, had he stayed, Max would never have turned up and Eddi would not have veered off the rails in such spectacular fashion.

So that was why he was currently fighting to hold her down as she tried to force him away. "Will you just calm down?!" he yelled at her. He understood now the pain she'd gone through when he left. He'd felt the same thing. Like something was slicing right through his skin, making him bleed in agony. He was not unfeeling – he just preferred to appear that way. So yes, he did understand what she went through.

The difference was that, as he was overloaded with emotions he was not familiar with, he did not turn to alcohol and drugs. "Calm down?" she snarled at him. "You have the nerve to tell me to calm down? After doing _that_, running off like a coward, you want me to _calm down_?"

She was quite obviously at the end of her tether. She was hitting him, smacking his chest, arms, side, stomach...anything she could get at, with as much force as her tiny pixie-like body would produce for her. She would not relent. He actually felt where he would find bruises when he went to change his shirt._But everyone you know__  
__Is try'na smooth it over__  
__Find a way to make__  
__The hurt go away__  
__But everyone you know__  
__Is try'na smooth it over__  
__Like you're trying__  
__To scream underwater_

He was not the only one trying to get through to her. Sacha had tried to get her to refrain from placing her trust in Max. Chrissie, for all she was not keen on Eddi, had disapproved of Max. And he couldn't imagine that Michael was very happy with watching his best nurse stumble down a very steep hill. Sacha, after all, had called him the second he realised how fast Eddi was slipping.

"What else can I say?" he demanded. "What do you want me to do?"

"Leave me alone! Just maybe?" she screamed at him, adding sheer cruel sarcasm to that last phrase. "Get this through your thick skull, Luc: I don't need you."

"If I were a betting man," he said calmly, "I'd bet you need more help than you're letting on. And you know it," he accused, keeping his voice level and free of emotion. It was the best way, to let her get this utter madness out of her system. It was better than taking this self-destruction even further, wasn't it? Letting her do that simply not an option. "We all want you to stop this. We all want to help you."

"I'm sure you do," she spat. "But you're missing the point, Luc. For such an intelligent person, you're so thick! I don't _need_ your help."_But, I won't let you__  
__Make the great escape__  
__I'm never gonna watch you__  
__Checkin' out of this place__  
__I'm not gonna lose you__  
__'Cause the passion and the pain__  
__Are gonna keep you alive someday__  
__Gonna keep you alive someday_

"I beg to differ," he argued. She laughed bitterly in his face.

"You can beg all you want, mate, but it won't change anything," she sneered. It was a clear challenge, and it was one he refused to flee from. He may have done that in the face of commitment, but this was different. This time, he had to save her, before she fell apart completely.

"I won't let you do this," he warned her, some kind of emotionality creeping into his voice. "I won't watch you destroy yourself." Her face turned angry, and he could see he was about to put himself through hell.

"You won't _let_ me?" she yelled. "Last time I checked, it was a free country!" she reminded him with a distasteful glare. She was crazy. It was the only viable answer he could see. She had actually gone crazy. And it was his fault. He was no narcissist, but logically, he could safely conclude that this would not have happened if he'd stuck around. If he hadn't caused her the same pain he experienced when he left, and left her in the arms of some drugged-up, cocky lunatic, this would not have happened to her.

"That's right," he answered her sternly. "If you think I'm going stand idly by while you crash and burn, you're sadly mistaken. I know it's hard to beat addiction, but you're strong," he said to her in earnest as he attempted to make her see how this had to be. For his troubles, he received a hard slap across the face.

Then something occurred to him: she had no judgement left, and there was one sure test for that._I feel like I could__  
__Wave my first in front of your face__  
__And you wouldn't flinch__  
__Or even feel a thing__  
__And you've retreated__  
__To your silent corner__  
__Like you decided the fight__  
__Was over for you_

He put on his best 'furious' face and drew back his hand, as if he was going to hit her. He wasn't going to – of course he would never do that to a woman – but it did prove his point. She didn't move to cover her face. She didn't back off. She didn't even blink. Any sane person would have rushed to defend themselves had he drawn a hand back at them. That was the issue, though. She wasn't quite sane anymore. The drugs had so drastically changed her that all self-preservation was gone.

"What does that tell you?" he asked her forcefully. "You didn't even move; you didn't even blink! And you think you're fine? Well, I hate to burst that lovely bubble your floating around in, but the one thing most definitely are not is 'fine'," he concluded for her.

Suddenly, the anger and fight was gone from her. All that seemed to remain was hurt. It was like she didn't care anymore. Well, he wasn't about to allow her to slip away like that. He couldn't do it. "You have to fight," he implored her, taking her shoulders gently. "You're made of stronger stuff than this."

"And what if I'm not?" she retorted.

_Everyone you know__  
__Is try'na smooth it over__  
__Find a way to make__  
__The hurt go away__  
__Everyone you know__  
__Is try'na smooth it over__  
__Everyone needs a floor__  
__They can fall through_

"You won't be alone," he promised her. "We'll all be here. Sacha, Chrissie, Chantelle. Everyone cares. No-one wants to see you stagger down that road." He took her face gently but firmly into his hands. "Stop squirming and listen!" he ordered her.

"I don't want to hear it, Luc! What right do you have to patronise me like that!" she yelled at him. "Get your hands off me!" She forced his grip from her face and neck, but fell over in the process, disorientated as she was already. He couldn't catch her before she fell. All he could do was help her to her feet again.

"You don't want to hear it, but you clearly _need_ to hear it," he retorted when she was standing facing him again. "You have to try and beat this. You're addicted, Eddi!"

"I am _not_ addicted to anything!" she shouted back at him. This was clearly her in denial of her issues here. Well, that just proved it. Everyone else saw she had a problem here, and yet she was totally blind to it. Or at least that was she let on to everyone else she knew. He had to get her to admit it; admitting there was a significant problem here was the first step to recovering.

_I won't let you__  
__Make the great escape__  
__I'm never gonna watch you__  
__Checkin' out of this place__  
__I'm not gonna lose you__  
__'Cause the passion and the pain__  
__Are gonna keep you alive someday__  
__They're gonna keep you alive someday_

"How can you possibly stand there and say that when you're totally reliant on them?" he asked her. She looked away from him, and he realised she did know this behaviour wasn't normal. "Go on," he told her sternly. "Admit it."

"No, because I don-" she tried to say.

"Admit it," he cut across her. He had to make her say it aloud. He knew she wouldn't want to but, for her own sanity, she had to.

"There's no-"

"Admit it!" he pushed her. "Admit it! Admit it! Admit it! Admit it!" he shouted at her, not giving her time to speak again. Not giving her time to even think. She roared at him and picked up the closest heavy object in the store room – the chair at the desk – and threw it right across the room, straight into a rack of needles and pills.

"Fine!" she screamed. "It's an addiction!"_Oh, terrified of the dark__  
__But not if you go with me__  
__And I won't need a pill__  
__To make me numb__  
__And I wrote the book on runnin'__  
__But that chapter of my life__  
__Will soon be done, oh_

"Good," he said. "Well, not good that it's got this bad, but good that you finally admitted it," he told her. He didn't know how well he would be able to help her now. In was uncharted territory for him, to see Eddi McKee this crazed. But as long as he had her by his side, he would find his way through this. He would be able to help her, save her, if she would cooperate with him.

"What do you care?!" she demanded. "You'll just jump in your caravan and run off into the night!" she snarled. That stung, simply because it was so true. He ran from everything. It was what so often defined him, that inability to stick around and find out how things would turn out. It was a feeling of being confined and closed in, and he hated it.

But what he hated more was that Eddi couldn't trust him when she so needed him the most. More than she ever needed him before. Everything she'd said about him was true; he was socially incompetent and he could admit that there was a hint of a sociopath in his personality. And he was a coward. He knew that, and he would not deny it. When it came to the crunch, when it was time to commit, he ran from it like it was the plague.

But that had to stop now. He had to find the courage and stay. He had to promise her.

_I'm the king__  
__Of the great escape__  
__You're not gonna watch me__  
__Checkin' out of this place__  
__You're not gonna lose me__  
__'Cause the passion and pain__  
__Are gonna keep us alive someday__  
__Yeah, the passion and the pain__  
__Are gonna keep us alive someday__  
__Someday, yeah_

"I know I messed it all up," he told her, his hands on her arms. "I know I always run away, but not anymore. I'm staying here, and I'm going to help you," he vowed. Tears welled up in Eddi's eyes, and he felt his heart crack just a bit. "I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

The tears spilled over, and he couldn't help himself. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her hair. "You're not going to lose me again," he promised her.

This would make or break their relationship, but more importantly, it would make or break Eddi. And he had to make sure it didn't break her.

**Want your songfic added? Send me a PM! xx**


	8. Chapter 8: 'Hands Open' Snow Patrol

**Leddi: The Songfic Collection: **

**I miss Leddi and all's a little quiet on the songfic front at the moment so, here's one I made earlier. I'm still taking submissions despite the tragic absence of our beloved SJP, so if you have one to share, please go ahead.**

**Song Title:** Hands Open  
**Artist:** Snow Patrol  
**By:** therealmisshappy

_A/N: This is set roughly before all the shite with Max and the camoxidan happened… if only…_

He watched from the window of his campervan as she noticed his return. He watched as the emotions flickered across her pretty face, inadvertently revealing to him all of the damage he'd inflicted upon her. Racked with untold guilt he ensured that he could not be seen and waited to see what she would do. Evidently she wasn't sure either as she stood frozen to the spot for what seemed like an eternity, her gaze flitting from the van to the hospital and back again, as though she was looking to see if he was around. Finally she appeared to have made a decision, slowly she gathered herself together, drew herself up to her full height (with little effect- Luc noted) and marched all the way up to the front door of the caravan. Quickly Luc moved himself away from the window and began mentally preparing himself for the oncoming storm. It was going to be hard to argue with Eddi, every point she was going to make once she entered was going to make perfect sense. Whichever way he looked at the situation, he'd done her wrong. He'd done her wrong be leaving and he'd certainly done her wrong by being too cowardly to call her. He'd not dared to do so for fear of his tongue misbehaving and digging him into an early grave, however whilst this had not worsened the situation, it certainly was not going to make it any easier.

Her knock on the door was short, sharp and determined, much like Eddi herself and had the situation been any different Luc might've even cracked a smile at such an observation. Anxiously he got up and opened the door, not knowing what to say he stood there and waited for her to take the lead.

"What the bloody hell are you playing at?" She spat venomously. "You disappear for nearly four months at the drop of a hat, no note, no texts, no phone calls and then you just turn up here like nothing's happened. What the hell is wrong with you?"

If he'd been given a pound for every time he'd been asked that question, Luc was certain he'd have been a millionaire by now. Wordlessly, he gestured for her to come in and sit down, a gesture which she ignored. "I honestly don't know," was Luc's eventual response, "I'm sorry Eddi, you never deserved a coward like me."

"Why Luc?" Eddi asked, her voice shaking as she finally gave in and stepped into the caravan, still refusing to sit down. "I thought you said what we had was a risk worth taking- why did you have to go and sabotage it?"

Luc shrugged by way of reply, "I don't know, I keep asking myself the same thing. Why would I sabotage the best thing that I had?"

"So you don't even have a reason."

"Well I could feed you some stupid line about how I am a wild and free man who cannot be contained. Which in some part may well be true, but I think you and I both know that you'd never buy it." He reasoned frankly. "Truth is; I have a habit of self-destructing if I stay in one place too long. People get hurt because of me, so I decided to put a stop to it before it happened again. Though of course I now realise that was the worst thing I could possibly have done. That was my self-destruct button if you will."

"Well you're damn right there." Eddi scowled, folding her arms across her body as if to protect herself.

"I know." Luc sighed "And I don't expect it will mean much to you now but I am so, so sorry Eddi. I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did Luc." Eddi muttered back, avoiding all eye contact. "You made me doubt everything. You wore me down then cast me aside have you any idea how it feels to be that unwanted."

He rubbed his hand through his buzz-cut hair and drew a shaky breath, he could feel himself coming undone. "Eddi I know this won't change anything but I need to tell you why I came back. You see leaving may have been totally stupid but while I was away it was suddenly so much easier to know exactly what it was I wanted; you. I thought I could do it and get away with it, because it's what I do, but I couldn't I had to come back and face all this. Because I've fallen for you Eddi- I've come back to try and make things right at the very least. I just hope I'm doing the right thing," He admitted as honestly as he could. For a second he thought he saw a flicker of love cross Eddi's pale features but she continued to resist.

"It's as easy as willing it all to be right Luc." She argued, she was touched by his emotional display but he had broken her heart, he'd have to do a little than that to regain her trust.

"I know that." Luc said again. "I just figured I'd stand more of a chance by returning with open eyes and an open heart than by not returning at all. I can only hope after that."

"It's not that easy Luc." Eddi protested, she was going to resist him as much as she could, "Why would you think like that?"

Luc sighed, "Because it's all I've got left. If you want I'll leave now right now and you can get on with your life. I'm sorry I just had to try. I miss hearing you laugh at me, I missed how you tried to understand me and my ways."

Eddi said nothing by way of response, she could feel herself falling for him all over again and every part of her was screaming at her to give in to him but she was just too scared. However Luc took her silence as his cue to move on and sighed heavily.

"Ok, I get it. I'll go, too much has happened. I tried I guess. Now if you'd just go, I'll be gone by morning. Just know this: I love you Eddi McKee and I am sorry. There I said it, now you can go. Goodbye Eddi." He rambled, frantically ushering her towards the door before his emotions gave way but she didn't move.

"I'm not leaving." She whispered stubbornly staring fixatedly at the floor.

Luc was at breaking point now, he needed her gone she'd seen too much. "Can't you just go?" He said through gritted teeth. "There's no reason for you to stay if you don't want me."

Eddi looked up but stayed put, "And what if I do?" she asked.

"You don't." Luc insisted he was fully in self-destruct mode now; it was the only thing he had left. "You deserve better. Now I'm sorry but _get out!_"

"Damn it Luc!" Eddi all but growled, "I'm staying and so are you." No words would convince him now though, so instead she grabbed his arm and spun him around, pressing her lips feverishly to his, feeling him almost collapse into her with joy.

"I love you too." Eddi whispered in his ear.

**I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP! **

**Leddi may be over in the eyes of the BBC but they still live on in our hearts and imaginations, so if you do have a songfic you want me to add get in touch. You can PM me or find me on twitter ( hernameishappy) or Tumblr (emergency-heart)**

**Oh and before I go… review? X**


	9. Chapter 9: 'Big Girls Don't Cry' Fergie

**Leddi: The Songfic Collection:**

**Finally another songfic! **** I don't care that Leddi may be over on screen, this songfic will continue as long as there are fics to be shared, so if you have one PM me. Anyway here's a little number from 9dottyheart9, please don't cry too much!**

**Song Title:** Big Girls Don't Cry

**Artist:** Fergie  
**By:** 9dottyheart9

As she pulled out of the car park, her brother by her side, she could still feel him, touch him, even smell him ever present on her skin. However, she knew that as time passed, those senses would get weaker, his memory blurrier and their love feebler. She wondered where he would go now- back to the hospital? Or back to his van? She could only guess, and this hit her hard. From now on, she would never know what he did- she could only ever guess. Deep down she knew she had to do this. He couldn't be the one to look after her- first she had to learn to look after herself. There was too much drama here, too much had gone wrong and too much happened for her to ever return. She knew this wasn't an option for her. She needed to go somewhere quiet, tranquil and calm, away from the rollercoaster of Holby. As much as it hurt her to say it, and even more so to see his reaction, that was the only way she was ever going to truly recover: by getting away.

She desperately hoped Luc understood this. She wanted him to know it wasn't because of him. People said it so often but she really meant it: "It's not you, it's me". She'd uttered those words so often to various boyfriends over the years- it was an excuse, a copout to the fact that she'd got bored or moved on to someone else. But karma had come back to bite her, and now it spoke the truth. It was nothing to do with Luc, it was all her and the mess that she called her life. She needed to straighten herself out; she couldn't have a relationship in this state. She was going to miss him like a child misses their blanket- there was no denying it, but she had to get a move on with her life. Her life; that had been put on hold far too much recently, it wasn't something she wanted anymore- she thought of it as discarded and grotesque. It had turned dark and evil, with connotations of both death and destruction. It was no longer something she embraced, but instead something she feared. That was why she had to go. She hated who she'd become and didn't want anyone to love that version of herself.

Three months earlier she would have smiled at doing this; leaving him. She had wanted to let him know how much it hurt; to feel the emptiness day in day out, wondering where exactly something so wonderful had gone so terribly wrong. She'd finally done it- she'd gone, but under completely different circumstances. She wasn't teaching him a lesson; she wasn't getting back at him for hurting her. She was doing the opposite; she was protecting him. If she stayed there would only be darkness ahead for them; she viewed that as a fact. Their relationship could never be what it was- he'd ruined that when he left, as she had when she'd begun taking the drugs. She would always love him, always, but sometimes that just isn't enough. She had to get better, one day at a time. Baby steps to begin with, until she was well once more. She knew it would be hard, but hurting Luc would be a lot harder, and that was the inevitable outcome should she stay.

Over the course of a year, Luc had been it all. He had been someone she hated, someone she laughed with, someone she played with and finally someone she loved. He'd been everything- even her, as she phrased it, partner in crime. She'd let him in and him her- they'd shown each other their own secret worlds. He'd gone deeper than anyone before him, and it felt like no one would go again. But that was over now; it was time for her to go home, back to Leeds. She needed to fix things there. She was already fixing things with Liam and that was thanks to Luc. She just wished that they could have fixed their broken relationship. Despite all the pain, it had been the best relationship of her life; it had been exciting, at times perplexing but above all magical. Indeed, it had been a true fairy tale. But fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

Eddi wound down the window to the little car, thus allowing the cool autumnal air to dry her eyes. It was time to be a big girl now. And big girls don't cry…

**Keep the songfics coming guys! Do leave a review too as you go **


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